The House and Senate have actually passed a bill that insists on plain language in government writing. Here are some salutary examples from a website devoted to such clarity:
Before (fishermen in my home state of Maine have seen far too much of “before” as they struggle with federal catch limits):
After notification of NMFS (National Marine Fisheries Service), this final rule requires all CA/OR DGN vessel operators to have attended one Skipper Education Workshop after all workshops have been convened by NMFS in September 1997. CA/OR DGN vessel operators are required to attend Skipper Education Workshops at annual intervals thereafter, unless that requirement is waived by NMFS. NMFS will provide sufficient advance notice to vessel operators by mail prior to convening workshops.
After:
After notification from NMFS, vessel operators must attend a skipper education workshop before commencing fishing each fishing season.
Before (only the government could write itself into predicting avian demise):
This rule proposes the Spring/Summer subsistence harvest regulations in Alaska for migratory birds that expire on August 31, 2003.
After :
This rule proposes the Spring/Summer subsistence harvest regulations for migratory birds in Alaska. The regulations will expire on August 31, 2003.
Before:
When the process of freeing a vehicle that has been stuck results in ruts or holes, the operator will fill the rut or hole created by such activity before removing the vehicle from the immediate area.
After (brevity yields clarity):
If you make a hole while freeing a stuck vehicle, you must fill the hole before you drive away.
Dave Griffiths, a former national security correspondent for Business Week, does freelance writing and freelance editing, as well as media training and instruction in marketing messages, business writing, communications skills, presentation skills and business communication. His website is http://www.davegriffithscommunications.com
